I'm on your side
by Strophee
Summary: Milton's childhood wasn't the best, but he had a good friend by his side when things got truly difficult. Milton/Philip
1. On Your Side

Milton Mamet had always been an unusual child.. he would be described as the outcast in school, even though he usually got higher grades than anyone else. He never had any friends, and it seemed he preferred the comfort of his books and his bug collection over human companionship. Though this wasn't entirely accurate. He did have one friend... Philip Blake. Philip and Milton were as different as night was from day.. and those that knew the two of them would say that Philip did have a tendency to boss Milton around. Milton always winced at his words, but ultimately, he did whatever Philip did. He seemed almost tied at Philip's waist... afraid of being alone and at the risk of being forced to talk to other kids his age.  
Philip was the trouble maker.. he was a prankster, and he had a large circle of friends unlike poor Milton. Often, when the two were not in school, Philip would be over at a friend's house while Milton sat outside under the shade of the sycamore tree in their backyard and tried to ignore the sound of his parents fighting inside of the house. He often felt lonely when Philip wasn't alone. His mother tried to comfort him and give him as much attention as she could spare, but somehow it never seemed to really make him happy. She was a troubled woman.. and he knew it. His father had drank heavily most of Milton's life, and while he had never gotten confirmation from his mother.. he was almost absolutely certain that his father had cheated more than once. He would often times take off and stay gone for several days at a time.. and Milton would find himself standing on his bed with his ear pressed against his bedroom wall, unable to tear himself away from the faint sound of his mother's sobs in next room. He had been under no illusions of normality when it came to his home life.. but he always pretended his parents were happy if he was ever asked about it. He always pretended he was happy, too.

As Milton sat under the cool shade of his tree, he would talk to his favorite bug, Mr. Jubbs; something that had started when he failed to block out the screams on his own. Sometimes he imagined that the small brown beetle would talk back to him, speaking words of comfort.. telling him he had a future and a life waiting for him so far away from what he felt and knew now, and if he could just hold on for a little longer, he would see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Milton's life had been torment for as long as he could remember.. and he knew that he had repressed things in order to protect himself. He imagined his parents had a happy marriage at one time, he just couldn't remember it. He also imagined that he didn't always feel so awful when undressing himself, he just couldn't remember feeling any different. His father had been unnecessarily cruel to him, but it wasn't the mental and emotional abuse that threatened to break him.. it was the physical. Every day he questioned whether or not there was any point in getting out of bed... but somehow, he always managed to do it. While some would say this was a display of courage, Milton felt he just didn't have any other choice.  
He just wanted that life that was waiting for him. He just wanted his mother to smile again. He wanted to be able to protect her. He wanted so much more.

He felt like his life was on the brink of a huge change, and he fought tooth and nail for it.  
The truth was.. his life was on the brink of a change. It just wasn't the change he had anticipated.  
Philip made his way to Milton's backyard one afternoon, listening to the sound of the grass beneath his feet, until the sound of yelling invaded his ears. It was faint, but it was there, nonetheless. He had never known Milton's parents fought... especially not like that.

Milton sat beneath his tree with his head in his hands, and his bug sitting in it's little carrier in his lap. Philip jogged over to him and kicked at the ground in front of him with one of his boots, causing dirt to land on Milton's pants. Milton dusted himself off frantically without looking up at him, and he heard the sniffles that escaped from his friend. He sat down directly in front of him and put a hand under his chin, forcing Milton to look at him.

"Hey man, what's wrong with you?"  
Milton jerked away and wiped at his sore, teary eyes. They were red; a clear indication that he'd been crying for a while.  
"Nothing is wrong with me." he said nonchalantly, but Philip wasn't buying it.. and Milton's pokerface had always been so terrible.  
"Oh, okay. So.. Why're your parents fighting?"  
Milton's eyes widened and he shook his head as if to say, 'I don't know', but Philip saw his grip on Mr. Jubb's carrier tighten significantly.  
"They do this often?"  
Milton sighed, and he guessed that they did.  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
"Why not? My parents fight too. You've heard them."  
Milton suddenly found himself standing, his hands clenched into fists at his side, and tears threatening to fall all over again. He looked down at his friend and instead of saying something hurtful like he had wanted to, he frowned.  
"I'm going to the comic book store. Can you watch Mr. Jubbs while I'm gone?"

It was safe to say he wasn't inviting Philip to join him. Milton had a vast collection of comic books he would bury himself in when things were especially grim at his house, but his father would never take him to the comic book store, so he always walked there to get the latest issue of his favorite comics. He had bought so many, he knew exactly how much they cost, and he always had his allowance on hand to pay and leave quickly without speaking a word to anyone there or along the way.

When he had almost arrived home, he heard them. The fire trucks. He broke into a run and prayed that they weren't headed down his street for the reason he feared.. but as he turned the corner, his worst fear had materialized in front of him. He saw the sky illuminated by the flames.. the flames that had engulfed his home. Suddenly he felt as though roots had come up from the ground and held him in place, he felt that he couldn't move even if he tried. Yet somehow he had made his way to the house, and he felt the firefighters hold him back and ask him questions that just didn't register. That could have been muffled whispers for all the sense and impact they had.  
"That's my mom!" he screamed, and he felt that what he should have screamed was, 'that's my mom and dad', but the truth was there deep inside.. he was more concerned about his mother than he had been his father. He needed to see her face telling him that they could just find another house.. that they could just rebuild.. and that he wouldn't have to worry about his father anymore... and that...

that she loved him.

Philip and his parents were there, and Philip had Mr. Jubbs with him. Milton's lower lip trembled pitifully when he heard a firefighter talking to someone somewhere behind him, and he assumed that it was Philip's parents.

"There were no survivors.." though the man had lowered his voice, those words were the loudest thing in Milton's entire world right now. Louder than the sound of his screams.. and louder than the roars of the fire that had taken his mother from him and everything he'd ever known.  
He watched the house as though he were watching his own life burn down.  
Philip slid Mr. Jubbs' carrier into his hand, and he looked down at it. It suddenly held more meaning than anything ever had before. He remembered his mother helping him get Mr. Jubbs out of a tree, and taking him to the store to buy the small carrier. Mr. Jubbs had always creeped his mother out, but she humored her son and always respected Mr. Jubbs as if he had been a member of the family. If she was honest with herself, she could admit that that small bug had taken care of her son in ways that she just couldn't. He had been the companion she hadn't been able to be in too long.

A tear fell from Milton's pale green eyes, and Philip reluctantly put his hand on his friend's shoulder. Even though Milton didn't particularly care for being touched.. he didn't shrug it off. Philip smiled and whispered a promise of a better future:  
"Mom and dad want you to come live with us. We'll be just like brothers."

Milton looked up at him and nodded twice. He had always loved Philip's parents, and he didn't have anywhere else to turn. It was the smart, obvious choice.

Philip's heart ached as he looked into his friend's teary eyes, and knew that words could never take away what had happened. But maybe what Milton needed right now wasn't an eraser to erase the past. Maybe what he needed was to know that he wasn't alone.  
Philip patted his back lightly and smiled his most reassuring smile yet,  
"Hey Milton?"  
Milton raised an eyebrow, too far in shock to even utter a single word.  
"I'm on your side."

Suddenly, while looking into the face that was lit up by the light of the flames in front of them, Philip saw a weak smile. A smile that told him that Milton was down, but that he would never be out.

**So no one told you that a heart could be forever **  
**Well I'm not leaving cause we're in this thing together **  
**And I don't know which way will take us home **  
**I'm not ready to go alone **

**So no one told you it don't matter where the road leads **  
**Cause where we're going no we won't need anything **  
**And this is not **  
**Goodbye **  
**I'm always on your side**


	2. Little Wonders

The world was different now.

Milton Mamet had become an orphan seemingly out of the blue. Everything seemed completely upside down. Every taste and smell.. it wasn't the same as what he had known in his house. He was confident that Mr. Jubbs had fallen into a deep depression, and he turned his attention to the small bug in an attempt to forget about his own.  
It was just the two of them now against such a vast world.

Milton was just a little boy; what chance did he stand in such a world that even his parents could not survive?

He had been placed in Philip's room, because Philip's parents fully believed that if he didn't feel alone, he would heal somehow. As if it could be that easy.. as if he could so quickly forget the warm embrace of his mother.  
Bed time was when things were truly difficult.

The sheets were scratchy against him, and he would never get used to his new pyjamas. He would fluff his pillow, but it never suited him. It was too.. much. Yes, it was exactly too much. He glanced up at Mr. Jubbs on the nightstand by his glasses, and he felt a small twinge of happiness as he saw the blurry blue shape moving along the branch in the carrier.

"Goodnight, Mr. Jubbs." he whispered.

Philip ran into the room screaming, and Milton felt his heart skip a beat. He shoved the covers back and threw a leg out of bed until he saw Philip's father turn the corner with a grin on his face. Philip shrieked and jumped onto the bed, his father dove on top of him and tickled his stomach as he kicked and giggled. Milton saw a tear fall from his eyes, but it was a different kind of tear. A happy tear. Milton got back into bed and turned to face the wall; his back to Philip and his father. He closed his eyes and listened to the loving sounds of a father and son playing happily.

Suddenly the sounds stopped, and Milton felt a heavy hand on his arm, he turned his head to see Philip's father, Ed.  
"Y'alright there, Milt?" he smiled and rubbed his thumb against the fabric of the boy's shirt, Milton sighed but forced a smile. A smile that Ed did not buy. The boy had just lost his parents and all of his earthly possessions. He knew he was most certainly not alright. He gripped Milton's arms lightly and turned the boy over to face him; he would have had to be blind to miss the pain in his eyes.

"You'll be okay, Milton. Just... have to have some time to put things into perspective."  
Milton nodded and was suddenly irritated at the way the pillow felt against his hair.

The house was lovely, and so was Philip's parents. They had done more for him than he would ever be able to thank them for. It was all quite perfect.. but it just didn't feel right.

A familiar face peeked around the corner with a warm smile. Philip's mother, Rose, was an absolute dream. She had been so much like his own mother, that he looked forward to seeing her each morning. She had noticed his style, and bought clothes that he wholeheartedly approved of. He didn't have to wear Philip's old clothes.. she made sure that he had his own. She knew it meant a lot to slowly rebuild. In Milton's eyes, she was nothing short of an angel.

"Milton, dear.." she was a soft spoken woman, and every word she said had such depth and meaning to it.. no matter how trivial it might have seemed to most. "I have something for you." she had her hands behind her back, and Milton suddenly noticed Philip smiling.  
Milton reached over for his glasses, and the world came into clearer focus. He tilted his head in an effort to see what she had behind her back, but she shifted and giggled. She walked over closer to the bed and pulled an over-sized stuffed bunny out from behind her.  
She shook the bunny slightly so that it's ears flopped up and down a few times.

"When I was your age," she started, and sat down on the bed beside him, laying the bunny in his lap. Milton looked at it with curiosity, "this was the only thing that helped me sleep through the night. I would have terrible nightmares.. sometimes, it just made all the difference to have a buddy by my side." she folded her hands on her lap, and smiled when Milton took the bunny into his arms. He was reluctant at first, but within a few moments, he buried his head into the bunny's and nuzzled it lovingly.

Rose ruffled the boy's hair lovingly and patted at the bed twice before standing to her feet. The scene before her was an overwhelming relief. She had watched the child mourn and suffer for days now, but now he was snuggled against the big brown bunny with his eyes closed. Ed helped Philip into bed and pulled the covers up around him, placing a kiss on his forehead. "Night kiddo." he smiled and walked over to the door to wait for Rose.

Rose eased the glasses off of Milton's head and put them back on the table, she pulled the covers up to his shoulders and placed a kiss on his cheek, as she was bent down, she whispered  
"Goodnight Milton, everything will be better in the morning."  
For once, Milton took these words as truth. He sighed happily and snuggled closer to the bunny.  
Rose kissed her own son goodnight and turned the light off.

While she usually missed it.. she didn't that night.  
She heard him gasp.

She immediately turned on the light, only to see Milton sitting up in the bed with a death grip on the stuffed bunny. Of course. It made perfect sense. He wasn't able to sleep at night because he was afraid of the dark.  
Rose left the room and returned a few moments later with a small light which she plugged into the outlet just below Milton's bedside table. She flipped a small switch on it and smiled at him.  
"I'm sorry Milton. I didn't know."  
Milton stared at the small light, but nodded lightly.  
She walked over to the door and flipped the switch on the wall once more, and Milton's face lit up as the small light came to life below his table.

"Goodnight boys. We love you so much." she said before leaving the room.

Philip turned over to face Milton and giggled,  
"Told ya! It's just like being brothers, 'innit?"  
Milton nodded, only his eyes were visible over the head of the bunny.

Milton sank into a rare feeling of peace for the first time in a long time, and he looked up to the ceiling before drifting off to sleep.  
As Philip turned his back to Milton and snuggled into his bed, he heard Milton whisper softly to the heavens..  
"Goodnight mommy."

* * *

_**Our lives are made**_  
_**In these small hours**_  
_**These little wonders,**_  
_**These twists and turns of fate**_  
_**Time falls away,**_  
_**But these small hours,**_  
_**These little wonders still remain**_

* * *

I actually hadn't planned to continue any of this, but, I had a few people request that I do, so.. here ya go. :)

I'll be doing a few others leading up to the apocalypse. We need more Pre-ZA fics on here!


	3. Where Are You Christmas?

Milton's first Christmas without his parents was difficult.

Philip's parents were equally fair between the two boys in their eyes and in the eyes of most adults.. but Rose had noticed a hint of jealousy in Philip. She believed she was paying just as much attention to him as she had been paying to Milton, but she could see how Philip would feel like he had been placed on the back burner. Milton had fallen into a deep depression brought on by the holidays. Holidays called for family activities.. gatherings.. the works.

Rose and Ed kept an especially close eye on him after he had talked to the school counselor about suicidal thoughts. Milton missed his mother terribly, and felt out of place in the world around him. Rose knew that Milton was an exceptionally bright child, and would eventually pull out of this.. but she needed him to get through the holidays. Philip didn't seem so keen on the concept of the two of them being brothers anymore, in fact, he often acted out to get additional attention from his parents. They hadn't told Philip about Milton's depression, and so to a young boy, of course it would appear that he was their favorite.

**_Where are you Christmas _**  
**_Why can't I find you _**  
**_Why have you gone away _**  
**_Where is the laughter _**  
**_You used to bring me _**  
**_Why can't I hear music play?_**

* * *

They decided to make Milton's first Christmas the best yet, for both of the boys. They had a friend over to keep an eye on them while they did shopping one day a week for three weeks prior to the holiday. The night before Christmas, Rose and Ed curled up on the couch with Philip during a movie while Milton sat snuggled up in a blanket in a nearby chair. They had offered him a spot on the couch with him, but he politely refused.

There had been rumors of a white Christmas, but Rose and Ed tried not to get the boys' hopes up, simply because it hadn't happened in a few years, regardless of the news saying that it would. Milton seemed particularly excited about the possible chance that he could see snow on Christmas day.. and Rose prayed very hard that it would snow. She knew he so desperately needed a lift.

After the credits rolled, Rose smiled at the slumbering child in her lap, and looked over to see Milton sleeping peacefully too, with his little hand curled around the neck of the stuffed bunny she had given him. Mr. Jubbs was even quiet in his little carrier on the floor.

The living room flickered; it's only light was coming from the Christmas tree in the corner and the fireplace over by the door.

Rose and Ed carefully crept out of the living room and began to clean up the kitchen, deciding to leave the boys there to sleep until morning.

"Ed.. Do you think he'll ever heal?" Rose whispered into her husband's chest as he embraced her, he shrugged, "The kid's been through Hell.. if he does.. it won't happen overnight."

Rose nodded and continued cleaning, starting with the remaining dishes in the sink. Ed walked toward the front door to lock it for the night, and he peered out of the window.

A few moments later he burst into the kitchen and tugged on Rose's arm, pulling her to the front door.

Rose pulled back the little curtain and her eyes lit up as she saw the white flakes falling; they seemed to light up the darkness as they fell to the porch and to the ground, which already had a nice layer of snow on it by this time.

Rose turned to her husband with a big smile on her face and he almost thought she would cry, she chuckled lightly and walked toward the living room,

"Let's wake the boys."

Ed nodded and knelt down by Milton, gently shaking him until he stirred.

He suddenly heard Philip scream "SNOW? SNOW!" as he jumped off of the couch and ran to put his boots and jacket on. Rose laughed and began to fold the blanket, watching Milton stumble around in search of his own boots. He rubbed his eyes as he stepped into his boots.. Philip had already ran out the door screaming with excitement. Rose put on her own jacket and helped Milton into his. Milton started out the door, but turned back to face Rose and Ed before going any further:

"Can we put Mr. Jubbs up on the table, so he can see the snow?"

Ed smiled and went back to do as the boy asked. The bug wasn't the type of pet he would have chosen for Milton, but he was a companion no less, and Milton needed that more than anything in the world.

Milton ran down the steps of the porch and kicked at the snow reluctantly,

"Go on honey, just don't get too cold, okay?" Rose called after him,

and for the first time in too long, she saw the boy smile. A genuine, happy smile. He jumped into the snow and giggled, running over to Philip.

Philip had begun to make a little snowman. Milton wasn't entirely familiar with it, as he hadn't ever really made one before. Philip showed him the basics, and before long, Milton had mastered the art completely.

Within an hour or two, there were countless snow angels in the yard, and Milton had proudly finished his 'snow people', as he called them. He anxiously called after the others and rubbed his cold, sore hands together as he waited.

Rose felt an icy tear slide down her cheek as she walked up on the 'snow people'.

Four simple, yet detailed people. A woman, a man, and two little boys.

It wasn't the four people that brought a tear to her eyes so much as what he had written with a stick in front of them all.

In his messy scrawl, he had written one simple word.

_"Family."_

Rose hugged the boy tightly, and ushered them all inside when she noticed how cold he had gotten.

"Let's go on in, we don't want to sleep through Christmas, do we?"

The boys fell asleep almost as soon as their heads hit their pillows. Milton slept so much easier knowing Mr. Jubbs had experienced the wonderful snow without actually having to freeze outside in it.

**_Where are you Christmas_**  
**_Do you remember_**  
**_The one you used to know_**  
**_I'm not the same one_**  
**_See what the time's done_**  
**_Is that why you have let me go_**

* * *

The next morning, it was Rose and Ed who were woken up by the boys. Philip ran into their bedroom and jumped on top of the both of them, screaming to the top of his lungs, "Wake up, wake up! It's Christmas!"

Milton stood awkwardly by their door clutching Mr. Jubbs' carrier in both hands with a small smile on his face.

It took a few moments to get them up, but Philip succeeded, and he immediately ran like a streak of lightning back into the living room, sliding on his knees over to the tree to shake the presents.

Milton went over and sat down by him, waiting patiently for what came next.

Rose and Ed joined the boys, both with coffee cups in their hands; their hair an absolute mess.

"Okay boys... let's see what you got!" Rose chirped,

Milton reached for a small present while Philip dug for the biggest one he could find.

Rose was slightly impatient as she waited for Milton to carefully unwrap the gift as properly as he could manage. "Milton honey, it's okay to tear it" she laughed, and he bit his lower lip before ripping into it anxiously.

He unwrapped a big slingshot, and blinked as he held it out in front of him, lifting it out of the box and examining it. He knew what it was, he just never really thought he'd own one. It sent both a chill of terror and excitement through him.

"Oh wow!" Philip gasped, he had gotten a Batman costume, and he didn't hesitate to rip into it in an effort to become Batman as quickly as he could.

Ed pointed to a large present over by Milton, "There's one for you too, buddy."

Within a few moments, Milton had torn into it to reveal another Batman costume, and surprisingly, Philip did not approve. In fact, he looked incredibly disappointed.

"But mom.. he's the side kick. He's Robin. We got a Robin costume. Why is there _two_ Batmans?"

Rose shook her head at her son, "Milton likes Batman too.. we thought you could both be Batman."

Philip frowned and laid his costume on the floor, seemingly losing all interest in it.

He turned his back to it and sighed, "Batman's stupid anyway."

Milton seemed instantly sad.

After all of the presents were unwrapped, and the wrapping paper put in the trash (Milton volunteered to do this service), Philip and Milton had plenty of time to play with their toys.

Mostly, they got the same things. Ed and Rose had been so afraid of causing jealousy, they didn't dare change things up too much.

Rose was filling up her cup when she saw something that touched her heart.

Milton scooted over to Philip and handed him his Batman mask, it had meant so much more to have Philip be happy than to have what he wanted. He just wanted to play with his friend.. it didn't matter who wore what, or what they were even doing.

"_You_ be Batman," he smiled at his friend lovingly, "I'm on your side."

**_If there is love in your heart and your mind_**  
**_You will feel like Christmas all the time_**

**_I feel you Christmas_**  
**_I know I've found you_**  
**_You never fade away_**  
**_The joy of Christmas_**  
**_Stays here inside us_**  
**_Fills each and every heart with love _**

* * *

**_I'd like to thank you all for reading this fanfic so far (there's more coming!), and to the person who's even drawn such amazing fanart for this story. I never dreamed anyone would read anything I've written, much less that I would get such lovely, heart-warming responses. I am as always grateful for your views and reviews. You are amazing people. I am truly touched. You all keep me inspired to be a better writer, and a better person. _**

**_Thank you so much._**

**_xoxoxo_**


	4. Fix You

_**Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.**_

There comes a time when the magic and innocence of childhood is shattered and broken, and for most of us, we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how to put the pieces back together... never quite understanding that we were never meant to fix it.

Milton was in his early teen years when this happened. One afternoon he woke to find the world was not the same as it had been when he closed his eyes the night before, and his childhood began to slowly melt away when he peered over into Mr. Jubbs' carrier to see the beetle lying on his back, lifeless.

Milton shrieked and immediately jumped out of bed, nearly scaring Philip to death. He tossed the top of the carrier onto his bed and reached in to pick up the tiny bug.

"Mr...Jubbs...?" his eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over, and his tone was filled with a sadness that even affected Philip, who had stumbled out of bed and made his way over to stand by his friend's side.  
"Maybe he's just sleeping," he suggested hopefully, Milton laid the beetle down on the table and slowly ran his finger across his hard body gently. "...Are you alive...?" his voice was so soft and fragile that it could scarcely be heard.

Rose walked into the boy's room with a warm smile and sauntered over to the two. The moment that she saw the bug on the table and Milton looked up to her in desperation, with tears falling down his cheeks, she knew what had happened.  
"Oh.. uh.." she struggled for words as she looked into the green eyes of the small, heart broken little boy in front of her, "Maybe Mr. Jubbs is just not feeling well. He's probably just hungry. Philip? Come help me round up some food for the little fella."

After a few moments, they came back into the room with a small plate of leafy greens for Mr. Jubbs. Milton was sitting in the middle of the floor with his head down and both hands extended with the tiny beetle lying in both palms, as if to offer him up to a higher power that could somehow make this all better.  
Rose noticed immediately that Milton had wrapped a little band-aid around him.  
She knelt down by him patted his head lightly, "Honey, why does Mr. Jubbs have a band-aid on him?"  
He met her eyes with his own, and his gaze almost brought her to tears. His eyes were red from crying, his nose was running, and his cheeks were flushed. "I...I tried to fix him.." His hands closed around the small body of the beetle and he sobbed into Rose's chest.

* * *

It had taken a while for Milton to accept Mr. Jubbs' death, but once he did, he insisted on burying him. Rose fully encouraged this, but Ed took it a step further and suggested they have a small funeral for him. The same day, Ed created a small wooden coffin for the poor little bug. He lined it with stuffing and silk, and Milton placed Mr. Jubbs' body inside. A perfect fit.

Outside they went, to a small hole that Rose had dug, and they all gathered around in a circle. Milton, wiping his eyes, lowered himself onto his knees and placed the coffin into the hole. Rose sat beside him on the ground and wrapped her arms around him in a loving embrace.  
Ed cleared his throat and began. There wasn't much to say, but Milton needed this. It was the very best they could offer him now.

"We are gathered here today to lay a dear friend to rest. A friend who gave of himself completely; who loved with all his heart, and expected nothing in return. A friend who shall be remembered for all times, and remain in our hearts forever. Our beloved Mr. Jubbs, we bid you farewell."

Ed nodded to Philip, and he began to shovel in dirt on top of the coffin. Soon, the sound of rain hitting the ground around them could be heard between Milton's anguished cries. Rose rocked back and forth with the boy in her arms, singing a soft, comforting melody to him. Ed soon came to sit by the two of them and he wrapped his arms around his wife and Milton. Philip soon followed.

Regardless of the rain, they sat with the mourning boy until at last, he had cried all he could possibly cry.

As they walked back to the house, Milton looked up to Ed with a troubled expression on his face.  
"...Is Mr. Jubbs in Heaven?" he asked innocently.  
"Ah, yes, my dear boy. Mr Jubbs is in Heaven."  
"I miss him."  
"He's still with you."  
Milton frowned, "Where?"  
Ed placed a hand over the boy's heart and smiled, "In here."  
Ed couldn't have been more right. Truthfully, Mr. Jubbs had not been placed out in the yard.. for it was plain to see, he had been buried deep within Milton's heart.

* * *

_**Tears stream down your face**_  
_**When you lose something you cannot replace**_  
_**Tears stream down your face**_

_**Lights will guide you home**_  
_**And ignite your bones**_  
_**And I will try to fix you**_


	5. Fear

Somewhere along the way, Milton found that both he and Philip grew up. There were days where he didn't feel any different than he had as a child, and then there were days much like this one that he knew life was different, and that he was indeed different, whether he felt it or not.  
Milton grew into a fairly happy human being; now at the age of seventeen, he felt like he was slowly finding his place in the world. Well, whatever place that was left for Milton, that is. He would never fully belong.. not like Philip did.. but he was making progress and beginning to talk to other people, even if he couldn't really say he had an abundance of friends. He had gotten close to a quiet, shy boy named Sandy, who shared his passion for science. He felt he could be himself around Sandy without risking ridicule, and Sandy was a kind soul that rarely received the treatment he deserved. Milton did get bullied at school, but it paled in comparison to what poor Sandy experienced.

One day that would forever stand out in Milton's mind, was the day Sandy burst into tears when he was over at Milton's house studying and Philip came in and went upstairs to his room. Milton still lived with Philip and his parents, and imagined he would until he graduated college and found a place of his own. Philip's parents encouraged him to stay for as long as he needed to.. while they always seemed to push Philip to get a job as soon as possible. Whenever Philip asked why it was important for Milton to stay and not for him to, they always had the same reply that was never satisfactory. "Milton is not cut out for the world like you are, dear. He needs more time.. you know you have the world in the palm of your hands."

After Sandy began to cry and tremble, Milton asked him what was wrong, but he shook his head, with his hands on his temples. He grabbed his books, stuffed them into his bag, and headed for the door, wiping at his eyes and glancing up the stairs uncomfortably. Milton walked over and stood between him and the door. "Sandy... you're not... afraid of Philip are you?"  
They heard footsteps from upstairs and Sandy began to break into hysterics. He began to sob and even jump up and down because he was so desperate to leave. "P..P..Please move, Milton! I have to go! PLEASE!"

Sandy began to hyperventilate and Milton moved aside to let him leave, but he felt as though everything was moving very slowly around him. As though he were under the effects of a powerful drug.. nothing made sense... not Sandy's behavior, or the fact that Philip was what invoked it.  
Philip had changed, and apparently he was planning to go out. No doubt with his new girlfriend, Jessica. He came down the stairs, two at a time, and jumped over the last two, landing right in front of Milton and causing him to shriek with surprise.  
Milton straightened himself up and cleared his throat, determined to get to the bottom of things.

"Philip.. Sandy just left.."  
he threw his head back and laughed, "Yeah, I thought I smelled a rat.."  
"He's not a rat.."  
"Oh? Well then explain to me why he told Jessica I cheated on my test last week?"  
Milton had no answer for this. Sandy tutored Jessica every once in a while, and it was no secret to Milton that Sandy had a huge crush on Jessica, and had for a very long time. Why had he told her this? It didn't make sense. Perhaps Sandy merely wanted Jessica to doubt Philip in hopes that it would drive a wedge between them. Or perhaps it was innocent.. and he didn't mean any harm. Sandy was not a simple person that you could read after spending a respectable amount of time with. He was complex, and while he had a reason for everything he did.. those reasons were rarely simple or easily understood.

"...What did you and your gang do to him?"  
Philip smiled and waved a hand, as if to say, 'it doesn't matter'.. but to Milton, it did matter. Sandy was one of the only people who truly cared for Milton, and he felt responsible for him.. regardless of what strength he had or didn't have.  
Milton dared to narrow his eyes and step closer to Philip, his body language defensive and almost taunting.  
"_What_.. did you do to him, Philip?"  
This time, Philip didn't laugh. Instead, he looked away for a moment before lunging at Milton and knocking him back against the door. Despite Milton's punches and kicks, Philip was stronger, and he landed a good punch to his nose, causing it to bleed, and his eyes to water. He froze when Philip put his hands around his throat tightly. His mouth opened and he began to gasp for air.

Between gasps, he managed to force out in a faint voice, "You're..._nothing_... but a big.. bully... _just_... like... my father..."  
Philip leaned in closer so that he could look Milton in the eye, and his gaze was deadly.. it made Milton feel strange.. not threatened, but as if Philip meant to truly hurt him_ far_ worse than he already had.

"What gives you the right? eh? You came here after the fire... and my life went to hell.. all my parents ever cared about was_ you_. That's all they still care about... and you dare get in my face over that little rat bastard? Who do you think you are, Milton? I've done nothing but protect you.. and you betray me over_ him_?!"  
Milton winced at every word, and struggled harder for each precious breath of air.  
"I...haven't... betrayed you... I..." He began to choke out the words and paw at Philip's hands in a desperate attempt to free himself from their death grip, "I...I'm... on.. your side..."  
With tear filled eyes, Milton looked back at Philip and something in his face struck him and brought him back to reality. "I...love you... my..._ brother_..."

Philip let Milton go immediately and blinked several times. With each blink, it seemed that he was more himself.  
He stumbled backwards and sat down on the bottom steps of the staircase.  
Milton rubbed his neck and for a few moments, neither of them said a word; the only sound was the sound of Milton breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry.." Philip whispered.  
Their eyes met and Milton couldn't look at him for too long without averting his gaze to the floor.  
"...I... It's okay..."  
"..You forgive me,_ right_? You know I love ya,_ right_?"  
"..._Right_.."  
Philip stood to his feet and embraced Milton in an awkward hug, which he was reluctant to accept.  
"You're not _afraid_ of me... are you?" Philip whispered into his ear.  
He closed his eyes, "No..I...trust you.."  
Philip smiled and gave him a playful punch on his shoulder before walking off into the kitchen.

Milton had just seen a side of Philip that he did not know existed... and if he was completely honest with himself.. he would say that yes...

He was _**very**_ afraid.


End file.
